Darkness!

Like every other day I woke up at 5:00 AM in the morning started the day with a 45 mins walk, bought milk from Nandhini milk van, walked back home and was welcomed by my wife at the door, she took the milk packet to the kitchen and started making the morning tea.

I sat down on the cane chair that is always resting at the portico. My senses soon awakened to the smell of hot tea, as I sat down to read the previous days paper sipping my favorite tea, I was taken back to what I call the simple heaven of life.
The reading started with my favorite section the obituary and then moved to current affairs when I started twitching my eyes, Soon my vision started getting blurred, I started twitching my eyes again and very soon darkness surrounded me.

I was only fortunate to see my dear wife's face that morning, I longed to see my sons but that was not to be. The following days of my life were the most difficult ones.
I was subject to many doctors visits with my son leading me from one hospital to another before we finally decided to get admitted at Narayana Hridayalaya for a surgery.

Doctors were getting ready to split open my skull to remove a tumor that put me into darkness. My vitals were checked and was confirmed to be living with a heart that cannot support the demanding surgery. So I was put through a painful exercise of Angeogram and then Angeoplasty before being subject to the removal of my tumor.

I survived the dreadful surgery that eventually made me fully dependent on my son and wife. The frequent trips to the toilets were the most dreadful ones as I had to be accompanied and helped by my son or wife.
I think I troubled them a lot but luckily for them the trouble did not last for long for I did not survive for longer than 18 months after the surgery.

My first son was married within this period and I am one of those unfortunate fathers who witnessed a marriage but without having the privilege of seeing anything.

As I prepared to part this world I wished I could see my wife, sons and my daughter-in-law once.


Darkness that prevailed for long 2 years before he was taken into eternal brightness.. or may be darkness as I don't know where Dad is now. I wish he is in the heaven watching us.

I was!

I was cooking your favorite pasta when I felt the tremors...
I was going through our wedding album when I heard the grumble outside...
I was on the bed reliving our last vacation by the beautiful beaches at Thailand when I felt water by my feet...
I was washing your favorite shirt feeling your mesmerizing scent when I slipped...
I was crying about your harsh words from the fight we had in the morning when I heard the neighbors cry...
I was driving to the shopping center to buy you a gift for your birthday when I lost control of the steering...
I was baking your favorite walnut cookie to celebrate our first anniversary when I heard the dogs howl.

Now I see you crying at my photo from your wallet. I am trying to wipe of the hot and buring tears that is trickling down your cheek that always belonged to my lips. Oh dear!
How much I want to touch you, how much I want to hug you, how much I want to cry with you for I know I will only remain in your thoughts from now on...


To the love that was taken away by the worst natural disaster in the recent past.

Flashback!

This one is a walk down my memory lane, a search within to find those special faces and moments of life.

As I set my journey back through all those wonderful people and amazing moments, I am going breathless! I feel like nothing less than a bird, gliding past faces and expressions that I was drawn to..Smile, tears, playfulness ....

Some faces often repeat, may be I am going round a few of em, drawn to em I suppose...

As I put desperate efforts to move past them, I am taken way back to class1, yeah, that marks the start of an amazing journey of being drawn to beautiful faces. Cannot explain my feeling for the beautiful little girl who walked in on the first day of school.. but I certainly was awestruck.

The next stop is class 10, a couple of faces, then straight to freshman year in college, couple of more faces and from there to my first few years of Engineering, couple of faces again. Then my first job, a particular face that plays on for a few moments, Then off to IBM India at Bangalore
another face that I remember in particular and the year is 2006. next stop is year 2007 a pretty obvious face that played on for very very long and then off to IBM Singapore, another face!!.

This was an interesting journey and at the end of it, its quite unfortunate that all those faces remained unfulfilled desires and hopes. None of em made it to any of the photo frames at home, not even to my wallet!! like the many desirable & exciting things in life that are always an inch away from ones reach!

You!

Your eyes take me on an emotional high tide surf. The one that never lets you slow down.
Your breath draws me in like the flower that draws a wanderer bee.
The scent of your body ties me down like a slave.
Baby what do I say , you are the vowels of my life. Without you I make no sense.
Your thoughts give me the thrill like jumping off an airplane.
My dear I can take a bullet right through my heard for your smile.

You make my day, you make my world. It is you I want, to make my life complete.

Dream!

After a heavy thunderstorm and a period of haunting silence, I am looking for the spring.
The spring that triggers the blossom of new desires and new happiness.
This happiness is associated with the certainty of bringing in a new companion into my life and equally due to the uncertainty of who this new companion is.
My long periods of loneliness is often filled with thoughts of this new mysterious companion who is often perceived in the mind as the most beautiful, most gracious, most kind, most caring and importantly the most loving.

What surprises tomorrow brings does not bother anymore for I know at this moment I am happy coz I am dreaming!

Thanks to this unique ability of the human mind to dream, the power to elevate one from the usual-ness of life.

Away!

I was skeptical to start this journey but you held my hand and gave me the confidence to move on.
You lifted me when my legs ached walking bare footed on the difficult terrain.
You wiped my tears when the thorns painted my foot red.
You sang to me when my mind ached.
Your kiss gave me the warmth to live through the cold nights and your long dark hair covered my body from the rain.

Oh dear!, how confident I was to make it to the destination with you by my side.

I woke up one fine morning to find the sun smiling at me, I looked all around for you but there was no trace of you. I ran frantically in all directions shouting for you but all I could hear was my own echo.

Was I dreaming all this while? Were you just a dream? or is this a dream?

The sun smiling as tears trickled down my cheek. I waited in hope of finding you again, I searched all around in hope of catching a glimpse of you again, oh! I wished I could see you once again.

A heart filled with sorrow I continued my journey all alone. I walked many miles all alone and I know there are many more to go before I collapse. I may find a new companion to accompany me for the rest of my journey but I will always remember you for taking me halfway and leaving me all alone!


Why did you go away?

overcast!!

I need the rain and the sunlight but...

The rain that tries to cool me from the scorching heat of sun and the sun that is hellbent on giving me the much needed warmth to shake off the shiver from the rain.
Both the rain and the sun are trying to be good to me, trying to offer the best they have but little do they realize that too much of both can only do me harm.
Thanks to the tree who I can run to when the sun and rain competes to please me.

Relationships are no different when you are too intense you leave no choice but to run away....